LOOK AT THE FRUIT: CHRISTIAN DATING
Have you wondered what Christian dating is supposed to look like? Or are you mentoring any singles? Then this is the study for you!
It is natural to want to date and hope for marriage. Yet, as Christians, we should be extra mindful before entering into a relationship with someone because the Bible tells us they will have a big impact on us spiritually. While there isn’t a “how to date” section in the Bible, throughout scripture, there are wise applications as to who you should partner with in any close relationship.
At the end of this post, you will find a free-to-you Bible study handout that will help get you started thinking and having intentional conversations about dating and how to do so wisely.
In this post, I will share insights about the “Look at the Fruit: Christian Dating” Bible study.
Two Points Before Starting the Study
When I led a group of young ladies through the “Look at the Fruit: Christian Dating” Bible study, I prefaced it with two points.
First, I shared that the reason to have a dating conversation is to address a topic everyone is already thinking about or will at some point in their life. It is best to come prepared with an ideology of dating before entering into that season with strong emotions. The purpose of a dating conversation is not to elevate romance but to elevate God and wisely navigate relationships with His guidance.
Secondly, it is also important to note that longing to be in a romantic relationship can easily become an idol. Anything we think about that consumes our mind and attention and is not God directed is idolatry. God has a purpose for anyone in singleness. Therefore, you should not waste the season of life you are in by wishing it away and daydreaming of the “perfect one.” God wants you focused and trusting Him. If you are married or have kids one day, there is no going back to your single season. God wants to use you where you are as you are for His glory.
Now, let’s dig into the meat of the study!
The Intro Section
The scriptures quoted and studied are not dating-specific. The passages address being spiritually partnered with someone moving in the same direction of obedience to Christ. They also address the spiritual fruit you and other Christians will bear as a mark of someone who is tethered to Christ. Your deep-rooted friendships or romantic relationships should have the Lord as their foundation. If spiritual fruits are not evident, you have a red flag to keep a boundary up in that relationship.
The Non-Negotiable Section
In the handout, next to the Bible study questions, is a place for you to list your non-negotiable character traits in a dating relationship. This is a list to help you, or your mentee set boundaries and help you choose a good dating partner that hopefully blossoms into marriage if the Lord wills. If you or the participant is already dating someone, I encourage you not to think of your partner as you make your list. Sometimes we want a relationship to work so badly that there is a temptation to skew the list to match them; that’s not the point of this section. The purpose is to prayerfully think through a list of mandatory attributes of the person you want to align with in a deep relationship. After you make a list, that would be the time to compare if the person you are dating fits those qualities.
In addition, while physical attraction is important in a relationship, this is not the section to write about those things. Beauty fades, but the spiritual fruit will last forever. So, think more profoundly than the shallow “hopes” you have.
Use the fruit of the Spirit as inspiration, but add more personalized traits to the list. It was a big deal for me to marry someone who was not easily angered. Perhaps that’s something you add. Maybe you want to include that you only want to date someone who is family oriented, quick to jump in and serve, or financially wise (this is different than wanting someone wealthy). Spend time prayerfully writing and ask someone you trust to review the list with you. Again, this is the time to note that there is no such thing as a perfect person, but there are attributes you should still see in someone before having an intimate relationship with them.
The Boundaries Section
When you drive a car, there are lines and even sometimes rails and barriers that create boundaries to keep you and the other drivers/passengers on the road safe. Dating boundaries are similar; they are intended to keep you and the other person from sin.
As you read the boundary suggestions, ask how that boundary would help in a dating relationship. Then at the end, spend time creating a list of boundaries you want to implement. It is much easier to set these boundaries before dating by communicating to the other person what they are. Still, if you are already in a relationship and are only now thinking about boundaries, there is time to have those conversations and implement them. A red flag for you will be if the other person disrespects your boundary by pressuring you to jeopardize your standards. At this time, you will know you should not be in a relationship with them.
*Note: Parents of teenagers should especially be involved in creating these boundaries to protect their children’s hearts.
The Honor Marriage Section
There are a lot of purity illustrations out there, but some of them can be quite damaging if not done well. In this section, Hebrews 13:4 is about trusting God and how He designed the gift of marriage and sex. Use this section as a reason to set specific and clear boundaries in your dating relationships.
