LOOK AT THE FRUIT: A BIBLICAL GUIDE TO CHRISTIAN DATING
Have you ever wondered what Christian dating is actually supposed to look like—or felt confused by all the mixed messages around relationships?
Whether you’re navigating singleness yourself or mentoring someone who is, this study is for you.
It’s natural to desire a relationship and hope for marriage. But as Christians, we should be intentional before entering into a relationship, because Scripture makes it clear: the people we partner with will shape us spiritually.
While the Bible doesn’t give a step-by-step guide on dating, it does give us wisdom about who we should walk closely with and what kind of spiritual fruit should be present in their lives.
At the end of this post, you’ll find a free Bible study handout to help you think through dating intentionally and start meaningful conversations.
In this post, I’ll walk you through the heart behind the “Look at the Fruit: Christian Dating” study.
Two Things to Consider Before Starting
Before leading this study with a group of young women, I shared two important truths:
1. Decide what matters before you start dating
Dating is something most people are already thinking about—or will be soon.
That’s why it’s important to think through what you believe and what matters most ahead of time, before emotions make it harder to think clearly.
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to make romance your main focus—it’s to honor God and make wise decisions in your relationships.
2. Marriage is a good gift—but it should never take God’s place
The desire for marriage is not wrong. God created marriage, and it is a beautiful, good gift.
However, that desire can easily grow into something more than it should be.
It can begin to take over our thoughts, shape our priorities, and even steal our joy in the present season.
Anything that consumes our hearts and attention more than God becomes an idol—even something good.
Singleness is not a waiting room—it has purpose.
Instead of wishing it away or constantly daydreaming about the “perfect person,” God calls us to be present, trust Him, and live fully for His glory right now.
If marriage comes one day, you won’t get this season back.
The Intro Section
The passages in this study aren’t specifically about dating—but they are about something deeper:
walking in spiritual unity with others who are pursuing Christ.
They also point to the fruit of a life rooted in Him.
Whether in friendship or dating, your relationships should be built on a shared foundation in Christ. If spiritual fruit is not evident, that’s not something to ignore—it’s a clear sign to pause and set boundaries.
The Non-Negotiables Section
In the handout, you’ll find space to write out non-negotiable character traits for a dating relationship.
This isn’t about creating a “dream person.”
It’s about prayerfully identifying the kind of person you should pursue—or allow into your life.
Important:
If you’re currently dating someone, don’t build your list around them.
It’s easy to lower standards when we want something to work—but that’s not the goal here.
First, create your list with the Lord.
Then, afterward, evaluate whether the relationship aligns.
Also, while physical attraction matters, this is not the place to focus on it.
Beauty fades—but spiritual fruit lasts.
Let the fruit of the Spirit guide you, and then personalize your list:
- Someone slow to anger
- Someone who serves willingly
- Someone who values family
- Someone who is wise with finances
Invite a trusted mentor or friend to speak into your list, and remember:
No one is perfect—but there should be clear evidence of godly character.
The Boundaries Section
Think about driving a car—there are lines, guardrails, and barriers in place for a reason: protection.
Dating boundaries serve the same purpose.
They are not restrictive—they are protective.
As you go through this section, ask:
How would this boundary help me honor God in a relationship?
Then take time to create your own list.
It’s easier to set boundaries before entering a relationship, but it’s never too late to start. If you’re already dating, you can still have these conversations.
Pay attention to this:
If someone pressures you to compromise your boundaries, that’s not a small issue—it’s a red flag.
*Parents of teenagers should be actively involved in helping set these boundaries to guard their children’s hearts.
The Honor Marriage Section
There are many purity illustrations out there—but not all of them are helpful or handled well.
This section points back to Hebrews 13:4, reminding us that God’s design for marriage and intimacy is good and worthy of honor.
Let this shape how you approach dating.
Use it as motivation to set clear, intentional boundaries that reflect trust in God’s design.
Final Word
Dating isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about becoming someone who honors God in every relationship.
As you walk through this study, remember that the goal isn’t perfection—it’s wisdom, growth, and a heart that stays aligned with Him. The choices you make now matter, and they will shape not only your relationships, but your faith.
Take your time, pray through each section, and don’t rush the process. God is not holding out on you—He is guiding you.
And as you seek Him first, He will lead you in every relationship that follows.
Ready to Dive In?
CLICK HERE to download the “Look at the Fruit: Christian Dating” Bible Study to start reflecting, journaling, and having meaningful conversations about dating God’s way.
