It Takes Two: Building Strong Discipleship Relationships
Discover the two responsibilities of the disciple and the discipler.
Have you ever felt like something was just over your head? You know there’s potential, but you don’t even know where to begin. Maybe it’s a project at work, a school assignment, or a problem at home. Whatever it is, the task feels daunting.
That’s how I felt about landscaping my front yard this year. I love interior design and organizing inside my home—but the outside? I was completely lost. Even researching landscaping ideas on my own felt overwhelming.
One day I overheard a church member mention she enjoyed gardening, so I asked her for advice. Before long, I was sending her videos of my yard, explaining my needs (low-maintenance plants with low sun exposure), and setting up a time for her to walk me through ideas and create a plan.
She patiently answered my beginner questions, encouraged me, shared photos of her past projects, and even came over to show me practical techniques. Meanwhile, I took notes, followed her advice, and sweated through hours of hard labor in my yard.
And somewhere between hauling bags of soil and planting new flowers, I realized something:
This gardening mentorship looks a whole lot like Christian discipleship.
The Disciple: Willing to Ask and Willing to Do
A disciple has two responsibilities: seek help and follow instruction.
It’s not enough to simply ask questions. Growth happens when we actually obey the guidance we’ve received. If I had listened to my friend’s gardening advice but never picked up a shovel, nothing would have changed in my yard.
The same is true in our walk with Christ: no obedience, no fruit.
Yes, the work can be hard. But as disciples, we experience transformation when we humbly ask questions—even the “silly” ones—and put in the effort to follow through.
And if you feel like you don’t currently have someone discipling you, take initiative. Seek out godly people and learn from them.
Sometimes discipleship looks like sitting next to parents at a t-ball game and observing how they raise their children. Sometimes it’s having lunch with a widow and listening to the wisdom she’s gained through years of faithfulness. It might happen in a Bible study—or while learning a new skill like gardening alongside a mature believer.
Discipleship isn’t always formal, but it is always relational.
The Discipler: Available and Intentional
On the other side of the relationship, a discipler also carries two responsibilities: be available and be intentional.
Availability doesn’t mean you abandon your responsibilities or stop tending your own “garden.” It might simply mean praying regularly for your disciple, sending a text of encouragement, checking in after church, or meeting up when you can.
Don’t believe the lie that discipleship only “counts” if it looks like a perfectly structured weekly Bible study with color-coded notes.
Discipleship often happens in ordinary moments when we choose to be intentionally present.
Intentionality also flows out of your own walk with Christ. My gardening friend wasn’t just giving me instructions—she was already doing the work herself. Her advice carried weight because she had experience, discipline, and a genuine love for gardening.
In the same way, disciplers must be faithfully following Jesus. When we do, our encouragement becomes authentic, our guidance becomes trustworthy, and our example becomes powerful.
Our role is to cheer others on, answer their questions, empathize when the soil feels rocky, and remind them that the fruit will be worth the labor.
It Takes Two
Discipleship is not a one-way street. Both the disciple and the discipler have a role to play.
The disciple asks, listens, and obeys.
The discipler makes themselves available and invests intentionally.
And when both people embrace their responsibility, something beautiful begins to grow.
Just like my yard that is slowly—but surely—taking on new life.
Reflect and Connect
1. Who has invested in your spiritual growth?
2. Are you currently seeking growth as a disciple?
3. Who might God be calling you to invest in?
